li_izumi: (hamlet)
One of the aspects I love most about cataloguing is that I get to see all the new books, and get to take a closer look at books I might otherwise over look. Frequently I find that a book or two I'm cataloguing will get added to my reading list. (For example, my more recent love of "green homes" and alternative building was sparked by reading some books on those topics that I catalogued.)

Usually it'll only be one book in the group that sparks my immediate interest to read. There are three with the stock I'm currently working on. But for those who know me, and my interests, perhaps shouldn't be surprised, as the current stack of books I'm working on cataloguing include "Reading the Man: a portrat of Rober E. Lee through his private letters" and "Becoming Shakespeare: the unlikely afterlife that turned a provincial playwright into the Bard."

The one I'm currently reading though isn't as obvious an interest perhaps, and that's "The Lucifer Effect: Understanding how good people turn evil". Though I suppose just with the name Lucifer in the title, it might seem likely to be of interest to me, that would only be true if the book was about Lucifer or some such, but it is not. The book is infact about the Standford Prison Experiment and similar cases of prison abuse and mentality, such as the more recent cases with the American guards at Abu Ghraib.

I've actually had some interested in the Standford Prison Experiment (SPE) due to watching the film Quiet Rage when I went to preview the dvd to make certain it worked at my previous library job at the Pharmacy Library. I'm not hugely into psychology but this topic has interested me. (As well as utterly depressed me regarding human nature).

One of the points raised in the book is about the dehumanizing element in how the guards would view the prisoners (and the prisoners to each other). This is actually something that I have incorporated into my character Duncan, from my Ninsei story. For those who haven't read this story of mine, Duncan has been chosen to absorb into himself excess negative energy. And while this is a noble endevor, there are times when Duncan does some very un-noble things. When bad negative-infused people hurt those that Duncan cares about, he lashes out in extremely violent ways. In these situations, Duncan doesn't see the people he is attack as humans, but as animals or beasts.

Reading The Lucifer Effect has given me greater insight into my character and story, though I've been a bit amazed at how 'on-target' I've been just on my own.
li_izumi: (Default)
it was COLD this morning. it's a bit better now that the sun is out, but even so. made myself a pasta and veggie salad for lunch, but i just wasn't feeling it. can pasta go bad? it smelled a bit funny this morning, but i was in a rush so i ignored it. but i just couldn't muster much enthusaism to eat it at lunch. drove downtown to find different food. normally i would hate to drive since it's not even half a mile, but it was cold and i felt like having dunkin donuts, which is on the far end of main street. i didn't want to spend ALL of lunch break walking rather and having no time to eat at all.

i was good and finished up the rough for next weeks comic for my webcomic with Akiko. felt really good about it. hopefully we can pimp it out after xmas, get a bit of a readership. not that i think we'll ever be huge or popular, but it would be nice to have a following, al-be-it small. i know our art isn't great, and there isn't that much to the story, but it's cute, i think, and hopefully amuzing to other anime fans.

i've been reading a lot of webcomics at work. it's sort of my slight break (or on occasion, a bit more than slight) from cataloguing. read a few pages, catalogue a few books, and so on. i've reread all the archives to the stories i follow, and have been finding more and more to add to my collection. i have maybe 2 dozen, give or take a few, that are on my weekly read list (a few of those are dailys... yay for dailys) while others i have in a seperate folder that every few months i'll check in on. those are the ones that are generally updated erratically. (that was one thing i want more than anything with my webcomic... to have a consistant update schedule, and keep it. i think that's important. i mean, i understand life, and what not, and it's not like most of the artists are getting paid for this work, but still, i think it's important to keep a consistant update schedule.) others in the "check once in a while' catagory are certain webmanga that update only one page a week. now, i'm happy that such pages update consistantly, but for a continuing story, where each page is just a part of the larger story and cannot stand on their own, once a week is just too slow, too little. webcomics once a week isnt so bad, but webmanga that just doesn't work. it moves the story much too slowly. 3 times a week isn't bad.

there are so many out there though. it's unbelievable how many there are! i read so many, and yet i'm still finding ones i've never heard of before. i'd make a list of what i'm reading, but it would take forever to do!

need to pimp out mine. be nice to get some readers.

i wish i was a better artist, good enough to do a webmanga. my Eien no Momento story would be a great yaoi manga, but i'm not good enough to draw the way i want to for that. wish i knew someone who would draw it for me the way i want. there are so many great artists doing webcomics/manga, but they already have a story they're telling.

i'm rambling now, and i'm sorry. just letting my mind wander a bit.
li_izumi: (Default)
man, for some reason, i'm totally digging that quote.

during lunch i was reading this article on free-will and determinism. (don't ask) and that got me thinking about the ability to see the future and what that meant for free will. the author's statement that if you know something to be true, than it must happen.. well, i can't quite explain really well his main point, but i didn't quite agree with some of the assumptions he was making.

i mean, he was talking a lot about god, and if god has forknowledge of events, does that mean that we have no free-will because if god knows it, it must come to pass, and that kind of thing. (i'm really not explaining it well, i know)

but could it not be that things are partially determined. for example, you are faced with a certain choice in your life, and if you decided to do A, then B will definately follow, but if you chose 1, then 2 will occur.

or it could be that god, since he knows everything, knows all the possible outcomes for your every decision. so at every point of your life, there is a huge network of possibilities, and when you chose one direction, the branch the you didn't go with fades off, and all new branches form off the path you did choose.

and seeing the future might not be so clear-cut of 'this is what the future WILL be' but more, 'this is likely the future that will come to be based on the current situation'. ie, a seer looks into their future and sees, based on who they are at that very moment, what will most likely happen. the next day, the seer sees a different future, because something that day has changed the seers view point on things.

so looking into the future does not show a definant outcome, but only the most likely based upon the current situation.

granted, this is all just an interesting musing, because i don't really believe in a "God", and i certainly don't believe it is all-knowing of everything. i don't think everything is pre-determined; i believe humanity is a chaotic being and our lives are determined by ourselves. i do not know about the ability to see in the future, nor do i really care that much about it. i cannot, and that is about all that matters to me. (and it's a bit of a moot point i think because we are all living in the past, but that's a topic for an entirely different discussion.)

sorry this is rather half-formed and jumbled, but i just wanted to get out some thoughts that were bumbling in my head after reading that article.
li_izumi: (Default)
I'm totally excited about my new story idea for NaNoWriMo, and i can't wait till monday when I can get started on it. Though i'm really happy for the week between coming up with the plot and the start of NaNWriMo, because it's giving me time to outline the plot.

Normally, i have a rough idea of the overall plot, and some clear idea of certain scenes. As i write, the story develops, and the rest of the story fills in. But that's also exhausting... I get a bit of the story, then i stop, sometimes for years, before i pick it up again and continue.

My new story seemed like it woudl be the same... I had the general plot, knew the major points, knew some key scenes in detail. But i had no idea how to get from the beginning to the start of the major story. I knew that it is the time the two get to know each other, and the foundation of their relationship, and a way to show their characters before i up the angst factor. i knew i couldn't just skip over that part, but that's the kind of area that i always seem to not know.. how to get from the beginning to the cool part? damn character development.

but as i said, i've been working on the plot. today i've hammered out the intial outline to the plot. in doing so, i was 'writing' the story out, and was able to fill out more things. ie, when i was writing about when the shit hits the fan in the Dracula-Helsing relationship, i was thinking, this would be more dramatic, and more moving, if right before this, they had gotten really close. realizing that, i was able to fill out more of the plot leading up to Big Plot Point^tm. and that happened several times, that by looking at the story outline, i realized some things i would need to add or do to really make the story work.

it reminded me of when i was writing a paper on Hamlet, and thinking about how i think Hamlet was faking his madness, but in doing so, got so caught up into it that he did become mad, with particular emphasis on his 'to be or not to be' speach. Hamlet knew that he was being spied on, that's why he said it. that was all part of his act. why do i think that? because ever other time hamlet is angsty and wants to die, something had just happened that made him mopey. but the scene right before the "to be or not to be' speach was when he was all fired up on proving that Claudius had killed his father. "The plays the thing where in I'll catch the concious of a king!" Hamlet's fired up. He's got a plan. There was nothing between that scene, which ended on a 'i can do this!' attitude, and the 'to be or not to be' scene where he's whining about wanting to die. thus, i think he knew he was being spied upon, and was giving that speach to further the rumors of his madness.

so the point of that, was i came up with that idea by ploting out the script, plotting out his angstiness to the scenes that caused it. i was doing similar with my plot outline. 'i need a happy close scene here, so i can really make the next scene that much more horrible!' 'it's the climatic scene already?! crap... i need another happy scene to come right before that..."

the next few days i hope to fill out the details a bit more. ie, i have this plot against dracula that another vampire lord comes up with.. but what is this evil plan? it would be good to figure out!

i'm totally fired up about this. i don't care if i reach 50,000 words or not, but i want to complete this story.
li_izumi: (Default)
i was watching some jrock videos, and thinking to myself, 'oooo, tasty,'-- as there is little else as tasty as androgenous japanese pretty boys--and thinking that i need to get me one of those, when a certain realization occured to me.

i really wish i was a pretty japanese boy.

(incendently, i still want to be dating a pretty japanese boy, of course.)

but i wish i was one.
li_izumi: (Default)
It was very strange today, walking to class. it was the first time i walked to class in the dark. i had a night class back in the spring, but i was already on campus since i had an afternoon class before it. but today, i walked to class and it was already dark. it felt... odd. even wrong. and i will have to do this again 3x a week for the next 6 or so weeks.

i slept on the couch again last night. my apartment is just too bloody hot. there is a 10-degree difference between where my bed is and the couch. by the windows, the temperature was perfect. the air had a slight fall chill, very comfortable with me snuggled under Scotty, my old throw blanket (so named for the scotty dogs imprinted on it). though it wasn't actively raining when i was falling asleep, the smell of ozone hung in the air. it was delicious.

the only real problem is now my back is sore, the first time since i got my new computer chair. *sigh*

i love sleeping next to windows. i like having the fresh air beside me. that was my favorite thing about my last apartment. the first couple of nights sleeping there, i kept having thinking of camping.

for several years, my family camped around in this pop-up truck-bed camper. my father made a bed for me by placing 2 pieces of plyboard over the cabinents in the back. (at the time, i didn't have back problems, so i *could* sleep on plyboard). on one entire side of me was a big window. i loved it. i think that's why sleeping beside a window gives me this nostaligic geeling. it's so comforting.

i think that's why i slept so well.

still, i woke up, and realized there was a real world again. damn.

November 2011



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